As a self-professed literary geek I belong to a book club. This book club is full of incredible, smart Wilder Women ~ Lawyers, Doctors & Diplomats. I love being a part of this group of intelligent women because they challenge me intellectually. However along with these jobs come pay packets much larger than my own. It is easy to compare myself to them & feel inadequate. Which is ridiculous.
So I gave myself a challenge before hosting my book club last weekend ~ I decided I wasn't going to apologise for anything. I wasn't going to apologise for my small home. It's big enough for Apa, Kowhai & I, it's warm & dry, & it's all we can afford right now. I wasn't going to apologise for it being messy. I reminded myself of this as I vacuumed & tidied & cleaned the toilet. I wasn't going to apologise for not offering much in the way of food. I reminded myself of this as I baked chocolate chip cookies, peeled carrots & washed celery to cut into sticks, & roasted pumpkin seeds.
Isn't it ridiculous that I felt I needed to apologise for my life? My life that I'm actually pretty happy in. I love staying home with Kowhai every day, & I'm perfectly happy to do it knowing it means we have to make do with one income. The fact that my house is small means that is is easy to clean & to heat.
My first guest arrived & proclaimed "This place isn't that small". It was my first time hosting at this flat as I always felt it was too small for book club. Everyone who came brought food, so we had more than enough to eat. There were great conversations & laughs.
And I almost succeeded in making it through the afternoon without apologising for anything. As a friend was leaving she came into my bedroom to borrow a book & an "Excuse the mess" escaped my lips before I could stop it. This unfortunately broke the dam & I gave her a sort of tour of the things I don't like about the flat ~ things she probably would never have noticed had I not pointed them out.
So it's back to square one. I am going to go on with this challenge & try not to apologise for things that are out of my control.